I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
