this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
