The brown eye won't let me do that either.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
