It's just like the Real World with babies
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
