Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
