I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
