I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
