I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
