Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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