I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
