So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i drank out of a bidet.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I enjoy the company of your penis
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
