I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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