More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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