I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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