How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
