A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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