my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This couple is walking their pig around campus
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
