I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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