Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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