he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
BRING THE BAGELS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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