This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Randomize
