Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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