So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
