I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
