I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
