I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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