maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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