I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
