Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
