You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
