College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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