i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
