My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
