im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
