38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
