i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
