if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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