it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
