His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
