It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
