thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
