just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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