My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
