then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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