pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
People in love make me want to vomit
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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