I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
