3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
