and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
