OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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