I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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