u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
