I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
