She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
